I want one of these. Coffee at work sucks!



Feel the knit

It’s no secret I’ve been going through a rough patch recently, and the problem with this rough patch is that while I wish it’d go away, it can’t and it affects my mood, my reactions… and my knitting.

I’ve always been a bit of a procrastiknitter, in the sense that I will grab a new project fiercely, knit it until I’m almost done and lose interest. This wasn’t the issue in the past weeks.

Last night, as someone gave me an unexpected token of friendship in the shape of a loaned spindle and a bunch of yummy fibre, I realized I need to get out of the patch.

I’ve been contemplating whether I need help. I feel like I’ve been carrying a load on my shoulders that can’t be shifted and when last week a friend caught me after a meeting and looked me straight in the eyes and asked “what’s wrong with you”, I broke down. I find it odd that I always used to break down with my mum. And now I can’t because she’s part of the load I carry. Can’t go to dad. He’s part of the load I carry.

Work is suffering because of this. I get given brilliant reviews when I am seriously doing nothing. This whole week I think I’ve put in around 10 hours of productive time, I feel like I don’t give a crap about what’s in my tray and because of my head, I can’t concentrate. Rather not do work than perform badly.

I need a break. Yet I can’t afford the time out, given that at home everything is so fragile, I need to save up days to ensure I can leave whenever I need to. And I’m tired. So tired. Part of the reason I couldn’t knit is that I am so exhausted my mind goes into static signals when I hit the train in the afternoon.

The one thing I found out thanks to this whole thing is that I am a good actress. I can always crack a joke and bring out the fun half of me, just because I hate breaking down in front of people.

While I don’t quite know the way out of the patch, I know last night I felt the knit. Got to the thumb gusset on my glove. Step by step, procrastiknitter.

For some good news at the end of the week – Whitesnake are the Very Special Guests at this year’s Download. Tune your chords…. “Here I go again on my ooooown….”


Follow me to the edge of twitter.


1 person made me happy today. She gave me brownies.

2 people made me mad yesterday. I should let that be bygones, but for some reason, I can’t.

Continue reading ‘People….’

Dear year-long Santa

I’ve been a good girl, or at least tried, and hey, intention is what really counts, right?

This year I want lots of disposable income. My bosses are grinches who don’t want to give me proper pocket money to afford things, so I want enough money to buy my 2 week holiday to San Francisco and San Diego.

But I also need the disposable income because I’ve been craving a spinning wheel for quite some time, and there’s always been one thing or another stopping me from the purchase. I really need the wheel because the boy is getting anxious about the amount of fibre stacking up in the spare room…

But today I learnt that Prodigy, Slipknot, Korn and Motley Crue will be performing at Download. And while I was pondering whether or not I’d go this year… I really need to now.

I mean now. I want the RIP Package this year. I had enough of teen festivalgoers puking 2 rows behind the tent last year. If you can’t hold your alcohol don’t play with the grownups I say, but what do I know, I only drink tequila. I want a nice comfy cosy noiseless environment that allows me to sleep until noon, then go for a kebab and plant my arse on the main stage field until I fall asleep or I get permanent tinnitus. Whatever comes first.

Could you tell the president that 2% is not an acceptable increase on pocket money? Please?

With high hopes of headbanging in June,


PS: Don’t worry, the person formerly known as my friend is not coming with me this year. Brian will, though!

I can’t type

But who’d blame me? I’ve been looking at a spreadsheet with acronyms all afternoon. The letter D doesn’t look like anything anymore. Does that ever happen to anyone? Looking at something for so long that the edges become fuzzy and it seems like a made up letter and not a real one?

Never mind. My point is, I just tried to log on to my email, and the internet kept spitting me out saying “no user with that name”. WHAT?

Oh wait. stelatheshoe is DEFINITELY not me. Coffee. Must. Have.

The way you park your car

The philosopher in me identified a life metaphor this morning while I looked outside the window of a meeting room. I could see the rows and rows of cars, some battered, some new, some flashy, some old trusty rusty machines, and I thought:

They are all parked differently. Some people will get to work in the morning, find a parking space and just ram the car in it, straight or not, and off they go. Some will take the time to find the space where they can put the car in reverse and enter the space backwards, then straighten the wheels and exit. The first will have to do the hard work of reversing to exit after a hard day of work. The others will simply slide off their space and be on the road.

I am going to have to change my way of parking my mind before work, because this morning as frustration hammered my head (trains delayed, my tights are falling, the laptop is heavy, I am hungry) I almost frayed at the edges and shed a tear.

I hope changing my parking ways changes everything, because I’ve been here before and I don’t want to have to take drugs to be in the frame of mind that regular happy people are in.